On my way to and from the Northern California Redwoods, I stopped in San Francisco which is basically my hometown where I spent 14 years of my life. In general I don’t feel particularly nostalgic for this town I grew up in though I do have a fascination for my past and how it has shaped me psychologically---as that has caused quite a bit of difficulty in my spiritual practice.

I have spent many years sorting out my past, trying to learn its' secrets and lessons, and making peace with it and my parents less then ideal way of raising me (though perfect karmically)----how unprepared most of us are for this job which so affects our children. With all my years of counseling and introspection, so many books read, workshops attended, and spiritual understanding, I feel I have risen above my past in many ways. From knowledge comes understanding if we can act on it.

However, even though I know I am still affected my intense childhood conditioning which is the way our past lives karma imprints us, I was still taken by surprise at my affectionate feelings for the surroundings I grew up in. We have layers of self understanding which come to us when we are ready to learn.

The surroundings were so familiar yet I realized how small my childhood vision was. As a child I just saw my immediate area with few details. Currently I am quite a detail person, so with my adult eyes there were just so many things I noticed for the first time on this visit. I just couldn’t get enough of it---like an explorer deciphering an ancient code with important lessons for today!

Perhaps it is the time of life I am in now, when I am preparing and meditating on becoming an elder----with some resistance---mind you---as part of me doesn’t want to grow out of the illusion of youth I have been stuck in for so long, and really give up my enjoying spirit. I aspire to embrace the spiritual platform of seeing everyone as a soul who is part of God, and not in terms of how they are attractive or unattractive from the physical perspective. What is the real truth of a person anyway?

If I can’t rise to this platform----at least acting consistently on it in theory, my ability to really help others will be limited. That is my current major challenge---it is a challenge for all those on a spiritual path, yet now it is right in my face as I see the light at the end of the tunnel of my life. Perhaps I have 20 or 30 years. How can I make those years count for the best benefit for myself and others?

I have much experience that I share at the store where I work and through my writings, yet to be most effective I have to really walk my talk and exemplify my path of Bhakti yoga (example is stronger then just words). So much of life is dependent on our faith, attachment, and desire. What do any of us really want? We may intellectually think we SHOULD want to be a certain way, but what we feel rules us.

The ultimate purpose of the Law of Attraction (another way to describe a principle of karma) which has so much press these days from "The Secret" and other books explaining it, is to lead us to a transcendental destination. It is true that we can have most anything we want---at least in some life if not now---but no one asks who has set up this law. Seeing that we can obtain things and desirable situations can be a start if it points us in the spiritual direction (like the karmakanda section of the Vedas), but is not a permanent solution to our soul's hankering for love and lasting freedom beyond the limitations of matter.

We have to understand who we truly are as souls to really understand how to use this principle to actually benefit ourself spiritually. The Bhagavad Gita explains in the 8th chapter that whatever we are absorbed in at death we will become in our next life.

Our material body and mind are temporary and in the highest sense have nothing to do with our eternal soul. Thus our material family is also illusion since it pertains to the body, not our self as we are spiritually. (Much easier to understand in theory then by realization.) In spirit we have our true lasting family. When in material consciousness we have to deal with our attachment to physical family, yet as we make spiritual progress it has less and less importance as we see the soul within all.

My trip to San Francisco, demonstrated very practically that I still have bonds to my childhood which I have to purify by spiritual practice. Where our heart is, is where we are. I have come a long way, yet I have still far to go, and during the last period of my life I hope to make more spiritual progress. Generally for those on the spiritual path, this is a natural absorption after the children are grown and our material concerns are diminished.

I know where I want to go in my head, yet part of my heart is still attached to the flesh and trying to love matter. In material consciousness we think the body and mind are the real object of enjoyment and affection, yet it only appears real because it covers the soul---who we are in fact.

So in truth real love is between souls in relationship to the Supreme soul or Krishna who we all have an eternal relationship with. Spiritual life means to realize this fact and act accordingly. We will see how I fare in the years to come. I will continue to explore that quest in my writings.