Four Healthy Behavior Patterns

Four patterns appear over and over in healthy families:

1. Leadership—At least one adult is providing leadership at all times. Work together to establish routines, make rules, and enforce them. Empower younger family members as they mature helping them become ready for self-leadership.
2. Intimacy and Separateness—Each family member is free to get close to and separate from each other. Don’t hold anyone too close or leave anyone too much alone.
3. Flexibility—Healthy families expect that they will go through changes as children grow and life events happen. Expect that change is part of the life cycle of a family and be flexible as it unfolds.
4. Recognition of Individuality—Healthy families allow each member to have the right to their own thoughts and feelings—including the youngest members. We have an obligation to control behaviours that are against the family rules, but we don’t have control over our children’s thoughts and feelings.

Essential Skills

There are essential “skill areas” found within healthy families:

* “Win-Win” ways to resolve conflict
* Ways to mutually solve problems
* Ways to encourage and support one another
* Steps for effective discipline using alternatives to physical punishment
* Ways to bring out the best in each other
* Ways to build on the strengths of the family
* Ways to build self-esteem and self-confidence in parents and children