Vaisnava Family Resources is the educational and networking website of the North American Grihastha Vision Team.Our mission is to strengthen, enliven and suppport spiritual family life. Some of the Purposes of the GVT are to provide premarital and skill-building training, to offer courses, workshops, and publications to support family life, and to train mentor couples in many centers.

This newsletter brings a few new sections, one is a devotional "Ann Landers" where you can ask questions and see answers from the variety of queries we get. Another is a devotional meditation to help you through daily challenges. We think our feature article by Cintamani dasi is insiteful as well as full of helpful ideas.

This volume is themed around one of our Twelve Principles and Values behind a Krsna conscous life, Mutual Respect and Appreciation.This is so integral to spiritual life, we're sure you'll be inspired. We appreciate your feedback, success stories and questions at gvisionteam108@yahoo.com

I Don't Have Time to Exercise My Marriage !
by Cintamani devi dasi

“Where is your bookbag? The bus is outside!”
“I’m late and I can’t find my car keys!”
“I have to be at the temple at 10:00. Can you take Laxmi to work and Nanda to play practice?”
“I don’t have time to talk right now; I have to get to the store before it closes.”

In the fast-paced lifestyle of today’s society, the focus is often getting things done and getting them done fast. Exchanges between spouses and between parents and children are, more often that not, fit in among the goings and comings of family activities and responsibilities. Choosing to slow down and truly connect with one another is considered a luxury that many couples feel they cannot afford. As a consequence, the demands of daily life absorb our attention and energy and we often fail to take the time to focus on the health of our relationship with our spouse.

Mutual respect and appreciation is a foundational component for healthy exchanges between.....read on

Tip of the Month

ALWAYS try to see your partner / dependents as gifts from Krsna, meant to be in your life for your spiritual benefit. ALWAYS keep Krsna in the center. ALWAYS visualize yourself and your partner close together at the base of an isosceles triangle, with KRSNA at the apex, this helps to feel connected even during stressful times. ALWAYS decrease stress by taking good care of your self, include exercise, good nutrition and refreshing sleep as MUSTS. ALWAYS prepare for unexpected events by drawing up a mutually agreed on plan, and develop a sense of humor!

This is taken from 10 Tips for Fostering Mutual Respect and Appreciation

Dear Grihastha Coach,

I know I should have heeded good advice, but here’s my situation: I married a wonderful devotee (I thought) about a year ago. We had been advised to get premarital counseling but felt that we knew what we wanted and knew each other pretty well. So we didn’t and I am full of regret! We are so different. What do I do now? We had a fire sacrifice. She nags and is a smarta brahmana type person who makes snap judgments about others and thinks that her standards of devotion are better than anyone else’s. I’m just outdone.

Hare Krsna Dear Outdone,

Since you have already made serious vows before the Lord and the community of Vaisnavas, please don’t lament because you can’t undo the past. What you can do is find resources now to assist you and your wife with some healthier relationship skills. You can use some tools to help you and your wife to have respectful communication and considerate, affectionate dealings, to clarify your individual and couple values and goals (important!) and to formulate a plan to implement these goals. Go to www.vaisnavafamilyresources.org to find articles and possible marriage/family educators/counselors who could provide marriage enrichment services to you and your wife. Also, subscribe to the GVT free online monthly newsletter so you can get relationship tips on a regular basis.

Srila Prabhupada said we should try to be like the bees that go after the honey instead of the flies that go after stool. Mutual respect and appreciation is one of the core principles for successful families. Without mutual appreciation, it is not possible to develop more intimate, healthy relationships. Try to identify some of your wife’s good qualities and write them down. What was it that attracted you to her in the first place?

Sometimes, out of frustration, we focus our attention on someone else’s faults as the cause of our problems. This is not usually the best course, especially for those of us on the spiritual path. Even though it may be hard, take a look at yourself. What are you contributing to the situation? Perhaps your wife needs more attention. Do you and your wife chant, pray or read together? Do you have fun together? Your marriage is relatively new and you are still adjusting to each other. We encourage you to pray for your wife and for your relationship while trying out some of the suggestions above.

One thing more, we appreciate you for not throwing in the word “divorce” and please, recommend premarital marriage education to your friends. It will likely save them some anguish or disappointment.

Your Grihastha Coach

Dear Grihastha Coach,

I’m not married but I’d like to be. Are there any resources that you can
recommend to assist me in finding a good spouse? Looking….

Hare Krsna Dear Looking,

The Grihastha Vision Team recommends being proactive in getting ready for marriage by learning and practicing the skills needed in healthy marriages as well as exploring the Krsna conscious Grihastha mindset. Based on the 12 principles and values of a healthy, Krsna conscious marriage, the Grihastha Vision Team has developed a comprehensive marriage and family course, Strengthening the Bonds that Free Us. Ask your temple community to request that this course be taught in your area OR check out the website at vaisnavafamilyresources.org.
for locations in proximity to you where the course is being taught. If none of this is possible, try to find a marriage and family course in your area (at a church or neighborhood center, etc.) that will teach communication and conflict
resolution, values clarification, goal-setting, and other relevant marriage and
family relationship skills. There are also many great books about marriage and family skills to be found at your local library.

The website mentioned above also provides excellent education to help you prepare for marriage. Also, write the Grihastha Vision Team (GVT) at gvisionteam108@yahoo.com for some Vaisnava services that assist devotees in finding spouses and to sign up for our monthly newsletter.

Your Grihastha Coach

Have a marriage/family/relationship question for your Grihastha Coach? Write us at gvisionteam108@yahoo.com. We will endeavor to respond.

Meditation Quotes on Mutual Respect and Appreciation

When I feel unappreciative, I remember.....

But we shall always do everything in cooperative spirit and avoid any fighting amongst us, that is Vaisnava attitude because Lord Caitanya has advised us to always offer all respects to others, especially to the devotees of the Lord. (Letter to Jagadisa das, Hyderbhad, Nov. 18, 1972)

A devotee should see that because Krsna is present in everyone's heart as Paramatma, every body is the embodiment or the temple of the Supreme Lord; so as one offers respect to the temple of the Lord, he should similarly properly respect each and every body in which the Paramatma dwells. Everyone should therefore be given proper respect and should not be neglected. (Bhagavad gita 9.11 Purport)

The wife of King Puraïjana was lying on the ground because she was neglected by her husband. Actually the woman must always be protected by her husband. We always speak of the goddess of fortune as being placed on the chest of Narayana. In other words, the wife must remain embraced by her husband. Thus she becomes beloved and well protected. Just as one saves his money and places it under his own personal protection, one should similarly protect his wife by his own personal supervision. Just as intelligence is always within the heart, so a beloved chaste wife should always have her place on the chest of a good husband. This is the proper relationship between husband and wife. A wife is therefore called ardhangani, or half of the body. One cannot remain with only one leg, one hand or only one side of the body. He must have two sides. Similarly, according to nature's way, husband and wife should live together. (Srimad Bhagavatam 4.26.17 Purport)


Marriage between husband and wife means that the husband must forever be responsible for the wife's well-being and protection in all cases. That does not mean that now there is agreement between us, therefore I am responsible, but as soon as there is some disagreement then I immediately flee the scene and become so-called renounced. Whether your husband likes to take responsibility as your spiritual guide or not, that does not matter. He must do it. It is his duty because he has taken you as his wife. Therefore he must take full responsibility for you the rest of his life. And you also must agree to serve him under all circumstances and assist him in every way so that he may make advancement in Krsna Consciousness. By his making advancement in Krsna Consciousness, automatically the wife will make advancement in the husband's footsteps. (Letter to Sudevi, September 15, 1972, Los Angeles)

www.vaisnavafamilyresources.org