How did you get married?

Partha dasa: We met in high school in 1970 and got married in 1971. I had graduated and Uttama was finishing her final semester when we were married.

Uttama devi: Due to the antiestablishment mood of that era, we were just going to live together, however my father would not allow ‘his daughter’ to leave home without being married.

Partha: We were under the legal age for marriage without parental consent; I was 18 and she was 17. We got our parents to sign the legal papers and then had a courthouse wedding a few days later. I am embarrassed to admit that we did not invite our parents.

Did you ever regret that?

Partha: Big time! During my eldest daughter’s wedding ceremony it hit me like a ton of bricks, how I had cheated my parents and relatives out of such an important family and community rite of passage.

Uttama: We got married pretty young; the odds were against us in that area. However, we had known each other quite a while, we both came from similar happy, stable families, had jobs and savings and were mature for our ages. My mother once asked me if I ever regretted marrying so young and not playing the field a bit. I have been very happy with my choices.

How did you join ISKCON?

Partha: After Uttama graduated, we moved to the west coast, became vegetarian and got mired in impersonalism for 2 years. By the mercy of Krsna, I found Bhagavad Gita as It Is and Krsna, The Supreme Personality of Godhead, in the Victoria public library.

Uttama: By Prabhupada’s grace, we both took to Krishna consciousness with the same enthusiasm- in different ways maybe. Partha had taken out a Krnsa book, part two, with the first story being, The Syamantaka Jewel. I loved it! Partha thought it was like a soap opera, and he got engrossed in the Bhagavad Gita. With in a few months we moved into the Vancouver temple and after three months were initiated by Srila Prabhupada.

What type of services have you done?

Partha dasa: I was head pujari for Sri Sri Radha Madhana Mohana in the Vancouver temple for 18 years. Along with helping me, my wife did most of the Deity sewing and also some Gurukula teaching and asrama service. In the early 90’s we got involved in the Saranagati community, being influenced by Srila Prabhupada’s desire for varnasrama and rural communities.

Uttama: After we had lived in the Saranagati community for several years, I began to notice that most of the families that moved away did so due to divorce, or difficulties in their relationship. I could understand that the basic family unit really was the foundation of a community and without stable happy families, our community would not flourish. When we were asked at a Canadian Leaders meeting to help develop support systems for families, it spurred a dormant desire I had to become involved in premarital mentoring programs.

What is your professional background?

Uttama: We are relationship educators. We have an HmD (Happy Marriage Degree/36yrs) augmented by Partha’s ministerial status, certification from Prepare and Enrich and the Dasi-Ziyad Institute.

Do you have any children?

Uttama: I really am grateful to the devotees of Vancouver and Saranagati for helping us bring up 3 wonderful children, Devahuti, Namamrita and Madhava. Devahuti married Jayasacinandana and we now have 3 grandchildren also. Our son, Madhava, moved to join the Toronto devotees, and married Krsna Chandra. They are expecting, so soon we will have another wonderful grandchild. Namamrita is busy with college for the moment.

What are your concerns about contemporary Vaishnava families?

Partha: Srila Prabhupada wanted varnasrama. The entirety of varnasrama rests upon the foundation of the grhastha ashrama. As a building with a crumbling foundation will not endure, we have no hope of instituting varnasrama unless we encourage and nurture stable, healthy families.

I have performed legal marriages for 30 years. The number of times a respectful congregational member has come to me and asked about what happened to the nice couple who preached to them, but are now divorced, I shudder to remember. It’s very difficult for them to assimilate. Even if all a couple can do is to live together peacefully and happily that is huge preaching. With that foundation, they should be better equipped to offer more service.

Marriage should be a safe haven, a place of respect, intimacy and inspiration. Uttama and I have made a personal commitment to do all we can to promote family stability in Srila Prabhupada’s movement. We will never be able to institute varnasrama and have productive future generations without family stability.

In 15- 20 words, what wisdom from your personal experience would you pass on to a new couple?
Partha: Live your (plural) Krsna conscious values. Marriage is a journey not a destination.

Uttama: Sustain heaps of good will towards your partner. That will promote a loving service attitude.

“Please chant Hare Krsna and be happy!”